Welcome back to Book Bites, big ideas and small bites. And today we are taking a bite out of Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? By Dr. Julie Smith. Yeah, exactly.
This book, it's like everywhere right now. Huge. Over 32,000 ratings on Goodreads.
Seriously. So we figured it's got to be worth a look, right? Definitely worth checking out. See if it lives up to the hype.
Yeah, because I mean, that title. Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Like, come on, it's bold. It is.
It's a big promise. So we're going to dig in and see what Dr. Smith has got for us. Absolutely.
And it's interesting, too, because, you know, Dr. Smith, she's got this really unique background. Like she was doing all these psychology videos on TikTok. Super relatable.
And then, boom, bestselling author. It's amazing. She knows how to connect with people, clearly.
Yeah, absolutely. So maybe there are some hidden gems in here, some stuff we just haven't heard before. Maybe.
We're gonna find out. Let's do it. OK, so where do we even start with this book? It covers a lot of ground.
It does. But one of the things that really jumped out at me was how she talks about emotions. OK.
Because she's got this idea that emotions aren't good or bad. They're just messengers. Interesting.
So it's not about, like, getting rid of the bad ones. Right. Exactly.
It's more about understanding what they're trying to tell you. I like that. It's like they're giving you information.
Yeah. Instead of trying to just, like, shut them down. Yeah.
So emotional regulation, it's not about suppressing those feelings. It's about understanding, OK, what's going on here? What's this emotion trying to tell me? Makes sense. So how do we actually do that? How do we get better at listening to our emotions? Well, she talks about a bunch of techniques.
But one that I found really helpful was expanding your emotional vocabulary. OK. So, like, instead of just saying I feel bad, being able to pinpoint, OK, am I frustrated? Am I disappointed? Am I anxious? What's the specific flavor of bad that I'm feeling? Yeah.
It's like having a more nuanced understanding of what's happening inside. Exactly. The more specific you can be, the better you can understand the root of the problem and how to deal with it.
OK. That's a good starting point. But what about stress? It feels like everyone's stressed out these days.
Does Dr. Smith have anything new to say about that? She does. And it's kind of surprising. She argues that stress can actually be a good thing.
Wait, really? Stress? Good. I know, right? It sounds crazy. But think about it.
Stress is your body's way of preparing you for a challenge. OK. Yeah.
Like getting ready to perform. Exactly. It's giving you that extra energy and focus.
The problem is we often interpret that stress as a threat instead of a resource. So it's not the stress itself that's the problem. It's how we view it.
Exactly. And Dr. Smith has some techniques for reframing that stress response, like controlled breathing exercises. Deep breaths, everyone.
Yeah. But she explains the why behind it, like how it activates your calming system and counteracts those stress hormones. So it's not just some woo-woo thing.
There's actual science behind it. Right. And she's really good at explaining the science in a way that's easy to understand and apply.
I like that because sometimes those self-help books can get a little vague, you know, like just be more mindful. But Dr. Smith actually breaks it down and gives you concrete tools to work with. Absolutely.
She gives you the why and the how. And that makes it much more likely that you'll actually use those tools in your everyday life. OK.
So she's got us covered on emotions and stress. But what about confidence? That's something a lot of people struggle with. She's got some really interesting stuff on confidence, too.
And it's kind of the opposite of what you usually hear. Instead of fake it till you make it. She says true confidence comes from facing your fears head on.
So like doing the things that scare you. Exactly. It's about stepping outside your comfort zone and building resilience through action, not avoidance.
That's a different way of looking at it. It makes me think of all the times I've held myself back because I didn't feel confident enough. Right.
It's like we're waiting for permission to live our lives. Yeah. OK.
I'm digging this. So it's about action, facing those fears. What else? Does she talk about self-acceptance? Definitely.
She really emphasizes that. But she makes it clear that self-acceptance isn't about giving up or settling for mediocrity. Right.
I get that. It's not about just saying, oh, this is me. I'm not going to even try to improve.
Exactly. It's about recognizing and accepting your strengths and weaknesses without judgment. It's about being kind to yourself even when you mess up.
So it's about self-compassion, not self-criticism. Exactly. And she argues that this is actually a crucial foundation for building motivation and resilience.
That makes sense, because if you're constantly beating yourself up, it's hard to find the energy to move forward. Right. It's like you're stuck in a cycle of negativity.
OK. So far, so good. Dr. Smith is giving us some really interesting perspectives on emotions, stress, confidence and self-acceptance.
But she also tackles some heavier topics, right, like grief. Yes, she does. And she handles it with a lot of sensitivity.
She emphasizes that grief is a natural human response to loss. It's not something to be afraid of or ashamed of. Exactly.
There's no right or wrong way to grieve. And healing takes time. That's important to remember, because sometimes people feel pressured to get over it quickly.
Right. And she encourages us to allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully, without judgment, to seek support from others and to practice self-compassion throughout the process. It sounds like she's really advocating for a gentle approach to healing.
She is. It's about recognizing that grief is a journey, not a destination. I appreciate that.
And I think that's a good place for us to pause and give our listeners a chance to process everything we've talked about so far. We've covered a lot of ground in this first part of our Book Bites on why has nobody told me this before? We have. From emotions and stress to confidence and self-acceptance, Dr. Smith has given us a lot to think about.
And we're just getting started. Welcome back to Book Bites. So we're continuing our chat about Dr. Julie Smith's why has nobody told me this before? Yep.
Still unpacking all this good stuff. There's a lot in here. And last time we talked about some pretty big concepts, right? Yeah.
We were getting into emotions and stress and confidence like the big picture stuff. Exactly. But now I'm kind of curious to get into the nitty gritty.
The practical stuff. Like, OK, how do I actually use this in my life? Exactly. What are some of the actual techniques Dr. Smith gives us for dealing with stress, for example? Well, she talks a lot about controlled breathing.
Deep breaths, everyone. We've all heard that before. Right.
But she explains why it works, like how it actually impacts your nervous system. OK. When you're stressed, your body goes into that fight or flight mode, right? Say freak out mode.
Basically. But controlled breathing, it helps activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the rest and digest system. Ah, the chill out system.
Exactly. So it's like hitting the brakes on that stress response. OK, that makes sense.
So it's not just about like trying to calm yourself down mentally. It's actually changing what happening in your body. Right.
There's a physiological component to it. Cool. But does she get into specifics? Like, are there different types of breathing exercises? Yeah, she does.
She talks about things like box breathing. Box breathing. Where you inhale for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four, like a square.
OK, I can visualize that. And diaphragmatic breathing, which is all about breathing from your diaphragm. That's the muscle underneath your lungs.
Exactly. And these deeper breaths, they can be really calming. Interesting.
OK, so breathing techniques, check. But what about when you're dealing with bigger challenges like stuff you can't just breathe away? Well, she talks about reframing. Like changing how you think about a situation.
Yeah. Instead of seeing challenges as these insurmountable obstacles, she encourages you to view them as opportunities for growth. OK, so turning that negative into a positive.
Kind of. It's not about denying the difficulty. It's about choosing to focus on the potential for learning and growth.
So, like, if a project goes wrong at work. Instead of beating yourself up, you ask, what can I learn from this? How can I do better next time? Right. Turn that mistake into a learning experience.
Exactly. And that can make a huge difference in how you handle those tough situations. OK, reframing.
Got it. But what about grief? That's a whole other level of challenge. Yeah.
Grief is tough. And Dr. Smith acknowledges that. She emphasizes that it's a natural human response to loss, not a problem to be solved.
It's not something you just get over. Right. There's no timeline for healing.
And I think that's important to hear, because sometimes people feel like they should be over it by now. Yeah, there's a lot of pressure to move on quickly. But she encourages us to be patient with ourselves, to allow ourselves to feel the emotions, to seek support from others.
So it's about giving yourself the space to grieve. Exactly. And she also talks about rituals.
Like creating little ceremonies to honor the person or thing you've lost. Yeah, that can be really helpful for some people. It's about finding ways to connect with those emotions in a healthy way.
And she reminds us that healing isn't linear. Meaning? There will be ups and downs, good days and bad days. That makes sense.
It's not a straight line from sadness to happiness. Right. It's a process.
And it's OK to not be OK sometimes. OK. So we've got breathing techniques for stress, reframing for challenges, a gentle approach to grief.
It sounds like a lot of this is connecting with your emotions in a healthy way. It is. And that actually ties into what she says about relationships.
Oh, yeah. She talks a lot about relationships, doesn't she? She does. And one of the key things she emphasizes is emotional attunement.
Which is? It's about being in tune with the other person's emotions, recognizing and responding to their needs. So it's not just about being physically present. It's about being emotionally present, too.
It's about listening deeply, trying to understand their perspective and offering support even when it's tough. Sounds like it takes a lot of effort. It does.
But she argues that it's essential for building strong, healthy relationships. And I guess it makes sense. If you're not in tune with each other's emotions, that can lead to a lot of misunderstandings and conflict.
Absolutely. And she gives some practical tips for cultivating emotional attunement. Active listening is a big one.
So like putting down your phone, actually paying attention to what the other person is saying. Exactly. And not just listening to respond, but listening to understand.
OK, so no interrupting with your own thoughts and opinions. Right. It's about asking clarifying questions, reflecting back what you've heard, validating their feelings.
It sounds challenging, but I can see how it would make a big difference. And it's not just about listening. It's about being vulnerable yourself.
Oh, the V word. I know. Vulnerability can be scary.
But she argues that it's the key to building truly deep and meaningful connections. So you got to let your guard down a little. Yeah.
It's about allowing yourself to be seen, imperfections and all, and trusting that the other person will meet you with compassion. OK, I'm starting to see how all of this ties together. The emotional regulation, the communication skills, the vulnerability.
It's all about building stronger connections, both with ourselves and with others. Exactly. And that's really at the heart of what Dr. Smith is trying to teach us.
It's about building a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling. And it's not just about feeling happy all the time, right? No. She actually challenges that idea.
She says that true fulfillment comes from living in alignment with your values. So it's about finding something bigger than yourself. Something that gives your life purpose.
Exactly. And that can be a really powerful source of resilience, especially when you're facing tough times. It's like having a compass to guide you through the storms.
Exactly. Welcome back to Book Bites. We're in the home stretch now.
Almost done with Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? By Dr. Julie Smith. It's been quite a journey. It has.
She's given us so much to think about. So many good takeaways. Like, seriously.
I feel like I've got a whole new toolkit for dealing with life's ups and downs. Me too. And I think one of the things that's really resonated with me is the emphasis on mindfulness.
Oh, yeah. She talks a lot about that, doesn't she? She does. And, you know, it's such a buzzword these days.
Mindfulness. It is. But I'll admit, I've always struggled with it a bit.
Like, my mind just won't shut up. Right. It's hard to quiet those thoughts.
Exactly. But Dr. Smith, she actually explains it in a way that makes sense. She does.
She makes it really practical. So what's her take on mindfulness? Like, how does she define it? Well, she emphasizes that it's not about emptying your mind completely. It's more about noticing those thoughts without judgment.
OK. So acknowledging them, but not getting carried away by them. Exactly.
It's about gently guiding your attention back to the present moment. And how do you actually do that? She gives a bunch of techniques. Short meditations.
Focusing on your breath. Mindful walking. OK, I've heard of those.
But she also talks about bringing more awareness to everyday activities. Like what? Like washing the dishes or brushing your teeth. Interesting.
So it's about finding those little moments of mindfulness throughout the day. Right. And she also talks about something called the ESTOP technique.
ESTOP? Yeah, it stands for stop, take a breath, observe, proceed. OK, I like that. Simple but effective.
It's a way to interrupt those automatic reactions and create a pause. So you can make a more conscious choice about how you want to respond. Exactly.
That's really helpful. Yeah. OK, so mindfulness.
Check. What else? Well, she also talks a lot about boundaries. Boundaries.
That's a tough one. It is. But it's so important.
Why? Why are boundaries so important? Well, she describes them as limits we set to protect our well-being. Physical, emotional, mental. So it's about knowing what you're willing to tolerate and what you're not.
Exactly. And communicating that to others. And why is that so hard for people? I think a lot of us are afraid of being seen as selfish or mean.
Right. Like we don't want to disappoint people. Exactly.
But Dr. Smith makes it clear that setting boundaries is not about being selfish. It's about taking care of yourself. And it's about respecting your own limits.
Exactly. And I imagine that can actually lead to healthier relationships in the long run. It can.
Because when you're clear about your boundaries, it prevents resentment from building up. Right. No more passive aggressive behavior.
And she gives some really practical tips for setting boundaries assertively but respectfully. So you don't have to be a jerk about it. Right.
It's about finding that balance. OK. Boundaries.
Got it. Anything else? Well, we've talked about emotions, stress, confidence, self-acceptance, grief, relationships, mindfulness, boundaries. I think we've pretty much covered it all.
Wow. We have covered a lot of ground. We have.
But it's all connected, isn't it? It is. It's all about building a life that feels good both on the inside and the outside. Exactly.
It's about finding that sense of balance and well-being. And I think Dr. Smith has given us some really valuable tools to help us do that. She has.
And I think that's why this book has resonated with so many people. It's practical, it's relatable and it's hopeful. I agree.
It's a great reminder that we all have the power to create a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling. And that's a powerful message. It is.
Well, I think that's a wrap on Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? It's been a great discussion. It has. And thanks to everyone for listening to this episode of Book Bites.
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Happy reading, everyone.
