Welcome back to Book Bites. Big ideas, small bites. You know the drill.
This time we're tackling how to talk to anyone. Oh, yeah. By, uh, by Lea Lounders.
Lea Lounders, that's right. Yeah. This book's got like ninety two.
Ninety two. Ninety two techniques. She calls them tricks to like boost your social savvy.
Win friends and influence people. Win friends and influence people. Yeah.
Big promises. Big promises. Right.
So, I mean, tricks. That word always makes me a little suspicious. You know, like, is this going to be cheesy? You know, I'm willing to keep an open mind.
Yeah. See what she has to say. See what she's got.
So one thing that that really hit me right away was how much emphasis she puts on first impressions. Yeah. Like those first few seconds.
Absolutely. Can like make or break a connection. She really believes those first moments are super important.
Right. Like those initial reactions we have to each other, you know, often based on like body language, those nonverbal cues. Yeah.
That sets the stage for like the whole relationship. The whole thing. Yeah.
So she has this. She has this technique called the flooding smile. I love that name.
The flooding smile. It's it's basically you let a warm, like a genuine smile kind of slowly spread across your face. And it starts with your eyes.
Ah. So it's not just like a mouth smile. It's like the whole face.
Your whole face. Yeah. Interesting.
It's engaging like all those muscles. And there's actually some science behind this, too. Right.
Like a real genuine smile. They call it a Duchenne smile. It uses these muscles around your eyes that are really hard to fake.
Oh, interesting. So it's like a signal, a subconscious signal that you're being sincere. You know.
Oh. Warmth. All that.
So it's not just looking friendly. No. It's about like actually feeling it.
Yeah. Projecting. Yeah.
Ejecting it. It's about connection. Right.
Like a genuine connection. She also talks about sticky eyes. Sticky eyes.
Maintaining that comfortable eye contact. Oh, yeah. That can be tough.
For some. If you have a hard time with eye contact, you know. Like where do you look? How long do you look? It's tricky.
Yeah. There's there's a balance. Yeah.
You don't want to stare someone down, you know. Yeah. But you also don't want to be like completely avoiding eye contact.
Right. Right. That can seem like you're not interested or you're nervous or something.
Yeah. Yeah. She says that comfortable eye contact like shows that you're present, you're engaged.
You're actually interested in what they have to say. I mean, think about it. Have you ever talked to someone who like won't meet your eyes? It's like so off putting.
Like they're not even there. Yeah. Like you're being ignored or they don't care what you're saying.
Yeah. They're not invested. Totally.
But when someone makes that that good eye contact, it makes you feel seen. Right. Yeah.
Like heard. Heard. Yeah.
And like that's a basic human need, isn't it? Yeah. So we've got the flooding smile. We've got sticky eyes.
For those first impression. First impression. But then, you know, you got to actually start talking to people.
Right. What about like small talk? You know, how do you get past that? Hi. How are you? Like that stuff.
You know, small talk can feel, I don't know, like a chore sometimes. Right. It can be awkward.
Yeah. And necessary evil to get to like the real conversation. Yeah.
Yeah. Like we got to do the small talk thing before we can actually talk. So she suggests kind of reframing it, you know, framing it.
She says it's less about like the actual words you're saying. Oh, OK. And more about the the music of the interaction.
The music. Yeah. Like creating a sense of of harmony.
That's a nice way to think about it. Like it's not about the the notes. It's about the overall the feeling.
Exactly. And one of the techniques she recommends is becoming a word detective. A word detective.
OK, I like this already. So it's basically you're listening very carefully, you know. Attentive listening.
Attentive listening. Yeah. And you're picking up on cues.
Cues. From what the other person's saying. Yeah.
So instead of just like going through the motions, asking those generic questions. Yeah. Yeah.
You're really listing for those clues. Right. That lead to a more like genuine back and forth.
Exactly. So like if someone says, oh, we just got back from a trip. Yeah.
You don't just say, oh, that's nice. Right. You ask them like what surprised them or, you know, what was their favorite part.
Become a detective. You're searching for those little details, those nuggets. Those nuggets, yeah.
That spark a real conversation. Yeah. That's I like that a lot better than those awkward silences, you know.
Oh, yeah. Just like weather talk. Weather talk, yeah.
Yeah. That leaves you feeling like, OK, I learned nothing about that person. Right.
Right. Yeah. So moving beyond just making a good impression, she also talks about communicating with confidence.
Yeah. Especially in like professional settings. Yeah.
Like how you talk can really impact how people see you. Right. Yeah.
And how seriously they take you. Yeah. Confidence is key, I think.
Yeah. Yeah. She's got this technique called communication.
And it's basically, you know, you want to make the other person feel like the center of attention. And you do this by starting sentences with you. Oh, interesting.
Yeah. Like, you must be so excited about that or, you know. Yeah.
Instead of, I think that's exciting. Right. You must think that's exciting.
Exactly. OK. That's that's a cool little trick.
It's a subtle thing. Yeah. But I can see how it would make someone feel more important.
Yeah. Like you're acknowledging them right from the start. Right.
And then she also has the buried YFM. YFM. YFM.
Yeah. It stands for. Let me guess.
Go ahead. What's in it? For me. You got it.
Nailed it. Yeah. She says people are inherently.
Self-interested. Yeah. What's in it for me? Yeah.
We all want to know. Right. So if you're trying to persuade someone, you know, you need to clearly articulate what they're going to get out of it.
Yeah. You got to show them the benefit. Yeah.
Like, how does this help them? Exactly. What's the value for them? And this is important for our listeners, too, right? Absolutely. Like, how can you use this in your own life? Whether it's at work or in relationships.
Relationships. Or even, you know, trying to convince your kid to eat their vegetables. Oh, yeah.
Those negotiations. Bear the buried YIFM. It could be a game changer.
Yeah. I like that one. OK.
So another cool part of the book is she talks about becoming an insider in any crowd. Oh, that's interesting. So she acknowledges, right, that every group, every setting has its own little.
Unspoken rules. Unspoken rules. Yeah.
Dynamics. And one of her suggestions, it's a little adventurous, is called Scramble Therapy. Scramble Therapy.
OK, this sounds fun. It's basically about actively seeking out. New experiences.
New experiences. Yeah. Diverse experiences.
Oh, OK. It's got to broaden your knowledge base. Like getting out of your comfort zone.
Out of your comfort zone. Yeah. Meeting new people.
Meeting new people. Doing things you haven't done before. Yeah.
So the idea is that the more you scramble these experiences. The more well-rounded you become. And more comfortable.
Like a social chameleon. Right. You build up this repertoire.
Right. Like a toolkit you can pull from. Exactly.
Yeah. And then along with Scramble Therapy, she talks about potent imaging. Potent imaging.
What's that all about? So it's about using language that really speaks to your listener. Tailoring your message. Yeah.
Like if you're talking to engineers. Right. You might use analogies from science or technology.
But if you're talking to, you know, artists, you might use more creative metaphors. It's about making it relatable. Yeah.
Making it relatable and impactful. I like that. And then speaking of making an impact, she has a whole chapter on praise.
Praise. And how to, like, differentiate flattery. Oh, flattery is a tricky one.
From genuine appreciation. There's a fine line there. Yeah.
Flattery can feel, I don't know. Inauthentic. Inauthentic.
Yeah. Manipulative. Manipulative.
Yeah. Yeah. And so she introduces this technique called Great Vine Glory.
Great Vine Glory. Yeah. It's basically you praise someone.
OK. But you do it indirectly. Indirectly.
Instead of telling them directly. So how does that work? You tell someone else. Oh.
So like you praise them to their friend. Yeah. Or their colleague.
Then it gets back to them. It gets back to them through the grapevine. I see.
Yeah. And she says that's more impactful. More impactful.
It has more credibility. It seems more genuine. Yeah.
When it's not coming directly from the person who's like trying to get something right. Right. Right.
Like a third party endorsement. Yeah. Exactly.
And it also creates a sense of mystery. Right. Like, oh, who said that about me? Exactly.
I like that. OK. So she also talks about navigating like those more formal settings like networking events or parties.
And she gets inspiration from a kind of unexpected source. What? Like etiquette books? Politicians. Politicians.
Yeah. OK. That's not what I expected.
She says they're masters of. Working a room. Working a room.
Yeah. They got to be good with people. Right.
Yeah. Making connections. Yeah.
Leaving a good impression. Always on stage. Yeah.
So one of the techniques she highlights is called rubber neck the room. Rubber neck the room. That sounds like something you do on the highway.
Right. It's basically when you first arrive at an event. OK.
Don't just jump into the first conversation. You take a minute. You scan the room.
You observe. You observe. Yeah.
See what's going on. What's the vibe? OK. So it's like gathering intel.
Yeah. Before you engage. I like it.
So you can be more strategic. Strategic. Yeah.
Know who to talk to. Yeah. And along with rubber necking the room.
She says you should be the chooser not the choose. The chooser not the choosy. OK.
So this is about being proactive. You're not waiting around to be picked. No.
You're doing the picking. You're doing the picking. Yeah.
Picking charge. Picking charge. Yeah.
I like it. So you know picture yourself at a networking event. OK.
What would you do? Well first I'd definitely do some rubbernecking. Right. Get the lay of the land.
Yeah. See who's there. Who looks interesting.
Yeah. And then I channel my inner chooser. And go talk to those people.
That's it. Make eye contact. Smile.
Smile. Start the conversation. Yeah.
Be the one to make the first move. Exactly. So those are just a few of the techniques she covers in this first part of the book.
Wow. There's a lot packed in there. Yeah.
And there's more to come. So stay tuned for part two where we delve into even more of her her interesting advice on how to talk to anyone. I'm ready for more.
Welcome back to Book Bites. We're still talking how to talk to anyone. Still talking to anyone.
And we've already uncovered some great techniques from those first impressions to like conquering small talk. Yeah. We've got some tools in our tool belt.
Some tools in our tool belt. Yeah. But allowance that she doesn't stop there.
No she keeps going. She's got she's got more. She's got a whole arsenal of tricks to help us build connections.
Make a good impression. One technique that I thought was interesting is called the business card dossier. The business card dossier.
That sounds very official. Very official. Yeah.
Like like I need a file cabinet for this. Like a spy movie or something. Yeah.
But it's actually pretty simple. OK. So instead of you know meeting someone taking their business card stuffing it in your pocket.
Right. You take a minute and you jot down some key details. On the back of the on the back of the card.
Yeah. OK. Like anything that helps you remember.
I see that person. So like what kind of things would you write down. It could be you know something they said about their work.
Maybe a hobby they're really passionate about or even just like a personal detail that that stood out to you. So you're creating like a little personalized file. Yeah.
For each person you meet. Exactly. Like a mini dossier.
Mini dossier. Yeah. It shows that you are actually listening.
Yeah. You know that you value the interaction. And then when you when you follow up with them later you can reference those details show that you remember.
It's like it's a subtle way to like stand out. Yeah. From all the other people they meet.
Make a good impression. Yeah. People like to feel remembered.
Absolutely. It shows you care. So speaking of making people feel valued.
She also talks about you know giving compliments. Compliments. Oh yeah.
Everybody loves a good compliment. But she cautions against like flattery. Right.
Right. Which can feel. Insincere.
Like you're just trying to get something. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Butter them up. So she has this technique called implied magnificence.
Implied magnificence. OK. That sounds fancy.
It's basically you're conveying your admiration. OK. But in a subtle way.
Subtle. Indirect. Indirect.
OK. So instead of saying you're so talented. You might say.
Give me an example. I've heard amazing things about your work. Oh.
So you're not saying it directly. Right. You're kind of implying it.
Implying it. Yeah. And letting them fill in the blanks.
Yeah. And it can be like more effective. More effective.
Than a direct compliment. Because it's a little mysterious. Yeah.
And it kind of lingers. It lingers. Yeah.
She also talks about accidental adulation. Accidental adulation. So like you're not even trying to compliment them.
Right. It just kind of slips out. OK.
I like that. Like you're not making a big deal about it. Yeah.
But you're you're slipping in a little praise. Oh. She actually suggests using parentheses.
Parentheses. Yeah. Like in writing.
Yeah. So you might say something like, I was just talking to so-and-so. And then in parentheses.
Who, by the way, is a huge admirer of yours. Ah. So it's like a little bonus compliment.
A little bonus. Yeah. Sneaking it in there.
And because it seems so like offhand. Yeah. It can actually come across as more sincere.
Terminium. Than a really planned compliment. Interesting.
And then for those times when you really want to make someone feel special. OK. She suggests the killer compliment.
Killer compliment. That sounds that sounds dangerous. It's about finding something unique about them.
Unique. OK. To compliment.
So not just like their appearance. Right. Or something generic.
Right. It's about like a quality. A quality.
OK. They might not even be aware of. Something deep.
Yeah. And these compliments are really powerful. They are.
Yeah. Because it shows that you're you're really paying attention. You see them.
Yeah. You get them. And you value them for for who they are.
Yeah. Not just for their achievements or whatever. Right.
Right. So what about those times when you know you're in a conversation and things get a little little tricky. Conflict.
Conflict. Yeah. Disagreement.
Disagreement. Yeah. Not all conversations are easy.
Right. Right. So she has this technique called echoing.
Echoing. Like repeating what they say. It's more about like reflecting back their emotions.
Oh. Validating their feelings. OK.
So you're showing that you understand. Even if you don't agree. Exactly.
And that can be really disarming. It can. In those tense situations.
Takes the heat down. Yeah. Helps deescalate things.
Create space for a calmer conversation. Yeah. I like that.
It shows respect. Even if you have a different opinion. Yeah.
Important. Yeah. So what about what about those times when you just feel a little lost.
Lost. Yeah. Like at a social event.
You know. You don't know how to break into a group conversation. Or you just feel awkward.
Awkward. Out of place. She has a technique for that too.
Really. OK. It's called the exclusive smile.
The exclusive smile. OK. Tell me more.
So it's about using your smile. OK. To signal that you're open to connection.
Open to connection. But it's not just like a general smile you give to everyone. It's special.
It's special. Yeah. OK.
It's for that one person. The person you want to talk to. Yeah.
You want to make them feel. Like the only one. The only one.
Yeah. And it's really powerful especially if you're trying to like join a group conversation. Instead of just barging in.
Yeah. You kind of you stand near the group. OK.
You listen. You listen. And then when you make eye contact with someone.
Yeah. Give them. The exclusive smile.
That little invitation. The invitation. Yeah.
Come talk to me. Exactly. And then once you're in a conversation.
She emphasizes active listening. Active listening. Yeah.
We've talked about that before. And she introduces this technique called parroting. Parroting.
Like repeating everything they say. Not everything. But you're repeating back key phrases.
Key phrases. Ideas. To show that you're listening.
That you're listening. Yeah. And you're processing.
Yeah. It shows that you're engaged. Right.
You know it can really enhance your conversations. Makes people feel heard. Understood.
Yeah. It builds trust. Yeah.
And it also helps to. You know clear up any misunderstandings. Make sure you're both on the same page.
Exactly. So we've covered we've covered a lot of ground here. We have.
In this second part. A lot of techniques. Lots of techniques.
From business cards to smile. From business cards to smiles. Yeah.
But Leons. She still has more to share. Oh there's more.
There's more. Yeah. OK.
I'm ready. In part three we're going to dive into some of her strategies for for navigating those high level social situations. High level.
Yeah. Where those unspoken rules. Those subtle cues.
This can be tricky. They can make all the difference. OK.
I'm intrigued. Bring on part three. Back again for Book Bites.
Final part of our how to talk to anyone adventure. Yeah. We're like social ninjas now.
Right. All these techniques up our sleeves. So many techniques.
But this last part of the book. It gets kind of kind of deeper. Deeper.
OK. How so. It's about those those high level social situations you know.
Right. The unspoken rules the subtle cues all that. Exactly.
So one of the first rules she talks about is see no bloopers hear no bloopers. See no bloopers. Hear no bloopers.
OK. So we're just ignoring everything now. No no.
It's not about ignoring like blatant rudeness. OK. Or or unethical behavior.
Right. It's about those minor social missteps. The little things.
Yeah. We all make mistakes. We all do.
Spill your drink. Forget someone's name. Yeah.
Accidentally say the wrong thing. Oh yeah. I've done that plenty of times.
It happens to the best of us. It's about being tactful. Tactful.
Gracious. Creating a space where people feel comfortable. Comfortable.
Yeah. Not like they're walking on eggshells. Right.
Like they're going to be judged for every little thing. Yeah. Nobody wants to feel like that.
And it makes you think about you know how you react when someone else messes up. Right. Do you call them out? Or do you just kind of let it slide? Let it slide.
Yeah. Sometimes the kindest thing is to just pretend you didn't notice. Exactly.
And she even suggests like actively helping someone recover from a blooper. OK. How do you do that? It's called lending a helping tongue.
Lending a helping tongue. Yeah. So someone's telling a story and they get sidetracked.
Yeah. You can gently guide them back. With a question.
With a question. Or just by acknowledging their effort. Right.
Like, oh, I see where you're going with this. Exactly. It's about creating that sense of like teamwork.
Teamwork. In the conversation. Yeah.
Like you're in this together. Yeah. Navigating those social waters.
And I think, you know, all of these techniques, even the more strategic ones. Like the business card dossier. Yeah.
The business card dossier or even tracking. Right. They all kind of tie back into this idea of being like a generous communicator.
Being generous. Yeah. Like taking the time to jot down notes, remember details.
It shows you care. You care. You're not just going through the motions.
Yeah. It makes people feel seen and appreciated. Important stuff.
Yeah. So I guess as we wrap up how to talk to anyone. What are your overall thoughts? So it's a lot, right? It is a lot.
It's a toolbox. You know. A toolbox.
Yeah. I like that analogy. You can pick and choose what works for you.
Exactly. You don't have to use everything. And adapt it to your own style.
Right. The key is to be authentic, I think. Authentic.
Yeah. That's always going to be the most important thing. So, yeah, if you're looking to improve your social skills, this book's definitely worth checking out.
Gives you a lot to think about. A lot to think about. Yeah.
Yeah. Just remember, take what resonates with you. Yeah.
Leave what doesn't. And be yourself. Always be yourself.
Well, that about wraps up our How to Talk to Anyone Deep Dive. It does. Thanks for joining us for this episode of Book Bites.
And as always, if you want more bite-sized wisdom, hit that subscribe button. And if you enjoyed this episode, leave us a five-star review. It helps other bookworms find their way to us.
Until next time, happy reading.
